I talk to organise my feelings and express emotion. I do this in writing too, and my words flow with greater ease when typed.

I tried to work out what i wanted to say to Ellie, but couldn't, so that's what i'm going to write about.

Ellie used to be friends with Miranda. Now, she confuses herself and Miranda with all sorts of feelings she herself doesn't understand. But that's beside the point, which is, now they are not friends. However, while they were friends, they decided to go and see Disturbed together. Obviously, now that they're not close, and Ellie's making everything uncomfortable, she doesn't wanna go. I'd love to go, i know Miranda would love for me to go, and Ellie's brother Alex is going too, and i'd love to go with him also.

Ellie's decided to sell her ticket. Between �20 and �50, she wants. I said i'd buy it from her, so i could go. But i'm not going to. Because she's selling her ticket for drugs. The money i would give her would go straight on a draw.

I am not going to feed her habit.

It really is a shame, because i was looking forward to it. I talked to my mother, and as much as my mum knows how close me and Ellie are, she now feels that Ellie isn't the friend i think she is, because she's using me for drugs.

Hmm. I feel substantially better now, but i still don't know how to say this to her. I'm going to ask Miranda for her help, because my mum now feels Ellie is ugly inside. And i don't believe she is, but i love her, and she loves me, but she loves drugs more than me. And this proves it. I desperately want to get her off, she's a fantastic, amazing girl, when she's sober. She's ok when she's stoned, but she's just not there. And i don't feel that Matt's willing to help, and i can't do it on my own. Her brother wants her off as well; it hurts him too to see her hurting and turning to a fix to ease the pain. I'm going to talk to him about it before i worry any further.

Ellie, man, i love you, but i can't watch you do this to yourself any longer. I don't know what to do right now.