so today was actually fun.. not having any care.. i past out last nigth bc i couldnt take it... and today.. i didint think about it at all.. i even joked about it.. until nick called and called and called my cell...he was saying how he would hurt me and hes getting me back for what i did to him and... just said terrible things about "mi baby" im not scared of gettting hit again.. im scared that this just wont go away. i just want it to stop. mi body is scarred and i want to bad to just see mi blood again.. just cut once more... butt i know thats not teh right thing to do.. i need some money for drugs.. butt i know i cant take them. i dunno waht to do anymore.. joe thinks im gonna breakup with him.. i love him soo much. i jsut i dont want to hurt him, i dunno what to do. i need to keep joe out of this.. i dont want him to get hurt. and i know he's gona try and go after nick... butt honestly nick doesnt care... he will kill joe.. he's tried to kill ppl b4 and when he starts to fihgt he won't stop.i dunno what to do.theres so much going on in mi life right now.. i jsut want to push everyone away so they dont get hurt.. butt i hate being alone... ive always been alone and im tired of it. i wish i could just make it all go away... stop the pain... butt pain is a feeling... at least i can feel... for now.. maybe if istop caring it'll all go away?