im trying to decide on whether or not... i have to make a decision to do something or not... it will change my life forever.. i know that butt i dont know on whether or not i wanna make that choice. it could saveme...butt it could destroy mi parents... and what they think about me... im soo lost..so confused i saw nick on saturday and hung otu weith him... it was ok i gues... i want so bad to talk to him about it.. butt i cant... i jsut cant... it'll hurt me more depending on him that not telling him... ill tell him if i decide to leave..butt otherwise.. its noones business butt mine... im scared... i really am.. i go to counnceling tomorrow... the thing is.. if i decide to go.... i wont see my friends andi wont be able to have fun or drink or smoke.. any of the things i do now... butti wanna go...i wanna find myself... mr.roberts was right... i dunno when ill do it... if i dont do it 2morrow i dont know if ill have the strength to do it in 2weeks... we'll see... i think ill wait... i dunno... i dont want to make a big deal out of nothing... butti dont want to keep hurting... i think ill b better off doing it in 2weeks.... see how things are then.... make mi decision soon... i dont want to make a fuss over nothing,... im just only ahppy when im drinking and partying with my friends... i dont want to lose that... not now...