im not vey happy. we have no hot water./.so i cant take a shower and i cant get my cell to download a ringtone that i cwant.... i saw nick today and he didntsay anything which made me feel even worse. he jsut took out a cig. and walked past me... i wanna call him to see how he's doing butt i know i shouldnt.. he lsot some weight... that annoys me a little.. i just dont wana care anymore... i wanna go away and neva come back.. buttt mi parents would neva go for that.. so im jsut gonna lock mislef p in my room... i dont care anymore... it jsut hurts so much tosee him.. i keep saying to mislef that its ova.. butt i cant forget about him... he's always in mi mind and mi broken heart and noone understands.. they dont know what him and i went through..... matt told me last night that he loved me... i seriously neva wanna ehar that word again... i dont wanna se anyone.. i wanna b left alone... but it would b nice to know that someone cares... butt whateva... even when i was mad nick always took mi shit and i love him more now then eva.. thats jsut it.. he hurt me soo much... buttt i need him... i want him.. butt its alrigt... ill die and that'll be the end of it... no more pain.. i dont really wanna miss out on everyting butt i cant take all the pain... i cant.... well ican i have b4 butt i dont want to anymore.. im tired of fighting a want it to be all ova with...