i keep having these random freak outs. i wouldn't call them anxiety attacks, but more like perspective attacks. it hits me, randomly, and very potently, that my whole existence could be imaginary. that everything i have experienced in my entire lives is fed to my brain through my nose, my eyes, my ears, my mouth and various other points of my body, and therefor could be flawed or even completely imagined. i even went through a few horrifying minutes where, for some reason, i thought that the "i" i have always known myself as [whatever this "i" is] did not exist at all, but rather it was like another being completely controlling the robot that was my body, with the computer that was my brain, and watching through the windows of my eyes. and it led me on to think about how my body is really just a cage, and so is everyones. my body is my cage because it restricts me to instinct with its needs, and holds me to gravity with its weight, and restricts me from understanding with the lacks in the computer of the cage, the brain behind things. this led me to thinking how i think personality is more important than looks, and that led me to more normal thoughts which eventually calmed me down, convincing myself that i can't begin to question whether or not i exist, or whether or not what is around me exists, because it will send me tumbling into a black hole of questions that i will never be able to answer, and the trip will take away the remaining shards of my sanity. i've actually had one of these little trips where i was sure that i was, in fact, insane. and this has all led me to the conclusion that i should probably never, ever try lsd, because i would almost certainly get stuck in that state. after the shock of realizing that i may not exist at all, because how could i know, i can never see myself from an outside perspective, or hear myself from an outside perspective, wore off, for some reason it was even more shocking to look down at my legs and arms and realize that i do exist. i think i'm beginning to be eccentric. i mean, who really sits in chemistry after done taking a test and thinks about these things?