happy halloween, or samhain, or whatever else you celebrate. there's no excitement in it for me this year, i suppose it will be that way with christmas too, i think i'll probably give most of it up again this year to charity. i don't really need anything. new favorite song: muse, "blackout" loveit. i love muse. this is now my favorite cd, my favorite group, i want to find out if there are other cds of theirs so i can buy them. i am terrified. i thought my paychecks were void in 90 days, but i got one in the mail yesterday, and they are void in 60. i wouldn't be so worried, except for the fact that i don't know where two of them are. i did not work for nothing! fuck. i have finished reading jane eyre. it is my favorite book now, along with the phantom of the opera. i shall now read either the once and future king or crime and punishment, i have't decided yet. anyways...cheers and greetings. i really need to start researching ireland and great britain. i don't want to get stuck with a cheesy structured tour if i can help it. _______________________________________ STARS FELL ON ALABAMA December 25, 2003 Listening to: adema - promises i had dinner with my mom's side of the family tonight, so since i was with the family (essentially alone) i had a lot of time to think. i decided im not so sure about some things, and found out that a choice i have to make actually symbolizes a choice i have to make about my lifestyle. when we were driving on the way to grandmas house, i saw an alabama liscence plate, and a bunch of stuff rushed back to me from in my head. "STARS FELL ON ALABAMA" why yes they did. i saw a little girl sitting on the beach with two guys having a beer at night, hoping that her parents wouldnt come looking for her. i heard one of the guys say "whats with the whole age thing anyway?" and i heard another one of the guys say "you know, there are shooting stars around here, i saw a bunch the other night" and i saw the little girl about to lose her innocence and i saw a bunch of lies that she was about to see the truth about. i saw the little girl ruin her life temporarily, and i saw her lay down on the ground and try to stop breathing. i saw love, and i saw pain. and stars fell on alabama. one in particular. a little girl. she jumped. and when she realized what she had done, she wished she hadnt jumped, but time changes for no one. she fell harder than anyone her age that i have heard about. and no one understood. and every time she thinks about it a part of her falls again. and again. because stars fell on alabama. and i heard her silent screams. and heard her thoughts about walking into the ocean and just staying there. and dying at peace. and i saw her cry as she left forever. and i saw her go out to greet the mailman every day and her looks of uncertainty when there was no mail for her. and i can still hear her cry. and she can still hear his voice, she can close her eyes and she is in the room once more, she can look down from the balcony into the pool, she can relax on the beach once more. but she will never forget that night, when the brightest little star fell on alabama, and the light left the little girl's eyes. that night when stars fell on alabama. _____________________________ i also saw a car with a man, a woman and a baby in it, a beat up chevy that was rusty, and it was kind of like christmas. the man had his arm around the woman, holding her close as he drove, and the baby was asleep next to her. i want that. i want a rusty chevy, and i want a man who loves me. i want someone who i can love more than i love myself. yeah, thats what i want. love ya becca _________________________