the thing i find really funny is, nothing is about things going the way people believe they should, its not about that at all. they could get their way, and they wouldn't be satisfied, because its not about that. its about everyone else in the whole world admitting that they are right, and until then, they are still going to be angry and talk about shooting the president in their spare time or shooting the people who hate the president, or whatever else makes them tick. what is normal? does "normal" change with the average person? what if 50% of the population was clinically depressed? would that then be "normal", and thus would it be ok? i think maybe normal is just a comparison to yourself. i remember telling someone that my brother is finally getting to be normal [which most likely means 'like me'] because when my mom told him she wanted him to marry a girl that goes to church a lot, he said screw that, he'll marry whoever he wants to, it's his life. and remember thinking no, he isn't normal. because he says drugs are all bad, and alcohol is all bad, and sex is all bad. there's no gray for him. i hope that i get to see someone soon. you know, its amazing the kinds of things that run through my head when im so tired that i let them. when i just let my thoughts free. today in choir i was thinking about how when i am older, i am going to tour the netherlands just so i can try smoking weed legally. (and of course to see the beautiful country again). and wondering why every time i am in a bad mood i wish i was drunk. and thinking about how empty my bed feels at night, and how cold it feels, and how if only i had someone to share it with i would probably sleep better, even if it would mean That, and even though That is Bad. and how when everything comes down to it, any past mistake will always come back to haunt you. be forewarned. confession of the day: i change my handwriting purposefully. and for the most part, it works.