Even though I sometimes wish that I was still with Kevin, I realize that I can't be. He lives so far away from me. But then. Even if I did live within his state or he lived within mine, I don't think we'd ever date because of our age difference. I know that when we were together it seemed different. Like. It didn't matter. But if we hadn't met on the internet first, I doubt we would have even been friends as opposed to meeting him in person. I'm realizing that I always expect things to be there. Like. I always expected Kevin to be there for me. But once it became too much for him to handle he wasn't there. And I couldn't talk to him and tell him things anymore. He was so far away in reality, and it's like I never noticed. Even though I am just realizing these things. I still want to be with him. I still want to tell him I care for him and I miss him. Because I do. I never realized that I never stopped loving him. I'm not IN love with him like I used to be. But I still do love him. No matter how much I try to hide it. I'm afraid that if I tell him. He won't really want to talk to me anymore. Like that he would feel uncomfortable to talk to me. I don't know. I'm confused. I feel like that since we broke up, and I haven't really talked to him a lot up until last night, that I bother him. Or that. I just am getting into his way. That's how I felt in the beginning of it all. And I'm afraid that feeling might come back. Every last feeling I ever had for him, just might come back..