I will never talk to Kevin again. It's kind of ironic what happened. I didn't care at first and when I think about it, I still don't. But if I think hard enough, I realize I will miss him. Definitely. I was talking to Chance a couple of days ago and Kevin had pissed me off and I said "If he never talked to me again. I will not care." And at that point I really didn't care. I didn't. Our last few conversations didn't consist of much at all. We barely had anything to talk about. I got used to it. I guess he didn't. The day before yesterday we quit talking over something stupid. We hadn't talked up until he said something at about 5:00 yesterday. This was the convo. I remember it perfectly. Him : hey Me : hello. Him : i just wanted to say Him : like byebye Me : why? Him : i don't feel the same way Me : huh? Him : about you Me : okay. Me : peace. Him : goodbye It's just weird to know that we will never talk again. In some ways, I know I will miss him but then in some ways, I know I won't. We were getting farther and farther apart as the days went on and I knew one day this would happen. I guess I just didn't expect it to be this soon, you know? Other things have been falling apart too. It really sucks. I found out from Pablo that Mike has a girlfriend. I wasn't as upset as I thought I would be. I mean. It still upset me and all but I don't know. I always knew he would find someone to make him happy and I'm glad that he did. Hopefully he will stay happy with the girl that he is with. Colin and I haven't been talking much at all either. He admitted yesterday that he realizes he's been kind of distant but I don't know. I feel like he's getting sick of me and that sooner or later he's not going to want to talk to me anymore. He told me that he gets sick of distance but that he could never get sick of me. I believe him and all but I'm just so unsure of everything right now. It's hard. Very. Do you know how many days I've missed this year? 27. A lot huh? I know quite a few of them are excused but that is definitely besides the point. I know my grades suck and I know I have been lazy in every one of my classes. I hate it. I hate failing shit. Fuck summer school. I know I have to go but hell. Ahh. I'm so freaking stressed out right now. There's too much going on right now and I really can't take it. I'm sick of dealing with boys. I'm sick of crying over them when they let me down even when I know it's coming. I hate fucking disappointment and I hate the way my life is right now. I want out. Sometimes I just wish I could rewind everything in my life. Rewind back before the moment I said something of offense to someone, rewind back to being the way I used to be when people no longer thought I was a bitch, and rewind back to a time when I actually had something worth living for. I want a new camera. I want a lot of things but that is probably the number one thing. I just want to be alone and take pictures and not have to listen to anyone's criticism or anyone bossing me around. I don't want to hear how I can make it better and I don't want people telling me it's ugly. I fucking hate this. I think I hate more than the fact that I have a shitty camera. I hate listening to people talk about themselves and know they have shit that I can never have. I'm sick of conceited people. Seriously. People like that don't even deserve to live. I'm getting mean now but who cares. I hate listening to the same music that I have over and over. I get so sick of it. Maybe I'm just sick of myself. Sick of listening to myself complain even. Are you guys sick of me yet? I have lots of pictures of me. I'll post. Plus one of my cat. Love you all. Sorry if my attitude sucks today. Have a good one. Peace.