"My Boy No More" It seems that we've grown far apart, although you still have my heart. I thought you were the one for me, but it doesn't seem you want me to be. I can't believe the world goes on, as I sit here on my dewy fresh cut lawn. I'm fenced in by my huge backyard, even though I should move forward. You took my heart and made me cry, therefore you should die. I can't believe you'd let me down, letting my knees hit the ground. You're perhaps my future life, if I could only become your wife. I forced my body to move on, but you were one to wake me at dawn. To simply express your love and sympathy, that you felt so bad for me. That I lay here dying because of the pain you've caused me, now that I'm dying you should let me be. I'd scream at you and tell you I hate the way you are, how you used to drive me around in your little sports car. But now the one with the reddish hair, has your love and I don't think it's fair. Yet you're only a figment of my imagination, because all you were, was a big temptation. Though I was your girl, and thought I was the center of your world. You threw that all away, just to tell me "Maybe we should try it some other day." I can't believe I actually thought you'd care, because all our relationship was, was a big dare. See my life to you was only a joke, as you laugh with your friends and sip at your coke. When your last words came as they did, I felt as if like crying like a little kid. As I sit here now on the growing lawn, I realize that I dreamt this all along. Because I've woken up from that horrible dream, that seemed to have ripped right at the seam. Because being thirteen, isn't always what it seems. Even though my boy is no more, because I was used as bait or a dangling lure. To actually dreaming that he cared, when I was simply used as a dare. "Last Day" Maybe you'd prefer it if I died, see how it feels to shed tears and cry. See I thought you were a person who would always be there for me, but I suppose I was wrong as you see. Will my life ending put a smile to your face? Will it perhaps put your world into a so-called "perfect place"? I can't believe you'd act to me in that way, fine I'll make this my last day. For if this will make you happy as my last day, believe me in the after life you'll pay. I'll make you suffer, so you can see how it feels to be treated that way, okay then in honor of you...this will be my last day. "All I Really Wanted" Why do I feel so bad? I feel like I've done so wrong. This one person I love I'm not sure if it's about him, I just don't want him to be upset like me. I feel as if I hurt him, I feel like I did something wrong. Maybe my life was only a mistake, like I should have never happened. Perhaps I should let him be, maybe his life would be perfect without me. As tears only begin to fall from my face, I feel as if my world will never fall back into place. I felt as if I didn't know what I wanted, and right now I don't think I'll ever know. Really all I want is you, but at the moment I'm not at all sure what to do. Maybe all I did was mess up your life, I only wanted to be a better person maybe be your wife. My life isn't really appearing to me as it is clear, for I can see nothing but tears. Tears fell from my eyes, that day I told him why. For I'll never be perfect to a guy like him, because now I realized I only messed up his perfect life, his perfect beauty, I only messed up a perfect dream. “A Friend Unnoticed" You took it all the wrong way, even though I didn't mean a word you heard me say. I can't believe you thought I'd do that, for what you believe you left in the hat. I the hat you left a lie, the lie that left me to cry. The cry that made me feel all wrong, because I wasn't left to who I belonged. You killed my heart, shunned me down, for all you did, nothing will be found. Nothing will be found but bloody red stains in the sink, because you weren't sure what I would think. You'll see me in a coffin lowered to the ground, for all you will see is many roses around. You could have been a better friend, but you didn't leave room for it all to begin. I'd tell you I hate you, but I can't because I don't, but I know I really won't. Because you're perhaps a better friend than I would have ever thought, even thought I'd go home and cry when we fought. You didn't care how you treated me, for all you can ever do is let me be. If you haven't noticed what my message is here, I can only tell you what I fear. But I have no more fear, no more left, for my message to you is I'm sorry forever, forever...forever...friends till the end always and together. "Why Did 9/11 Bring Us Closer?" As he walked down the street, he thought about the terror he caused. Of the pain he brought upon the people, crashing the towers. Sent up into flames by the thousands, cries echoing unheard by the million screams. The shrieks, the blood portrayed on the sidewalk, for only a painter could see the violent red screaming out like water flooding homes. For screams that day was all that would be heard, grief spreading over people mourning over where the closest to them were. Were they trapped inside a collapsing building? or were they out gasping for breath through the thick smoke arising from the debris? Nine eleven crushed lives, crushed dreams, crushed hopes, but why did a death defying think as so, bring everyone in America together? “He Knew” You knew I loved you and you acted like you really cared, though in the end it showed how much you really didn’t care. You acted like you loved me and you said it as only a poser, and for that you are shameful and forgotten for. You never listened to me when I needed to be listened to, you never let me cry on your shoulder when I needed a little help. You were never there to hold my hand and make me feel safe, you were never there. I loved you in the beginning and right now I still do, but you never gave me a chance to show you how much you mean to me and that I’m true. I hated the way you put me down for things I never did, and I hated the way you’d treat me like an object and act like I was never there. Loving comes from hate something you’ve learned well, something you’ve projected to a crowd when we went through hell. What I have to say to you is that I know you never cared, I know you never even tried to care. You never loved me, though you said you did. You said you trusted me, but all your voice held was lies. You also said you would never cheat on me, but yet again you were wrong and your voice held nothing but the bloody lies as they poured out. All I have to say to you is that as I sit here now I realize how stupid I was, and that I never knew how. I was the one who never knew how to love someone, I was the one who really didn’t care, and I was the one that held no trust. For all I have left to do, is to leave this horrid place. I will leave you with many roses around a wooden casket, as I’m lowered to the ground everyone will say goodbye. But all you have to do is whisper, “You never cared, you never trusted, and you never even loved me…” “Unconvered Story” Deep in the ground, covered with dirt, there lies a story of how he was hurt. Beaten by a gang then shot to his death, never to come back, he walked down the street that ended with a brutal attack. He was a good student, very quiet and polite, never expected to be the one that was killed that night. On a dark, full moon night, you can see the gang walking around his grave, as they wish he was still alive so they could kill him again was their crave. Not caring about him nor about what they did, even though he was just a little kid. His parents come out sometimes just to say how much he meant to them, though deep down they don’t care about him. He was an abused child, maybe for the better that he’s dead, because I was the only one on the side of his hospital bed. He was one person that I loved but now he’s gone forever, I’m beginning to cry all because I know we’ll never be together. He’s gone and no one ever cares about me, I feel as if it was possibly meant to be. I’m the one in the coffin with all the weight about me, I’m the one that was killed can’t you see?! No one cares that I left them all, no one cared that I no longer lingered in the halls! No one cared that I was gone and there were no smiles to be seen, everyone today, it’s sad how they’re all just so mean. No one noticed that I now have a grave, yet no flowers around, I had a funeral with no point because no one saw me being lowered to the ground! No one cares that I’m gone and never coming back, no one cares that my days are over and that I’ve come to an end. "Fake" I feel as if I'm locked behind bars, though still as he passes he sees all my scars. The pain I went through just to be with that guy, the suffering was worse than being shy. Wanting to talk but not knowing what to say, wanting him to like me, even up to this day. Looking past all his faults and his beauty within, if only I knew I was committing untrueness and sin. Loving him for someone he was never to be, loving him for not himself but me. I said I loved him though now I realize I never wanted to, only stories told because I had nothing to do. Though breaking his heart, how is that right? for me to fake it when we would fight. It was all a lie, why didn't he see that I was nothing but a fake, nothing but a person who would take. Take your love and affection for someone I thought you were, changing your ways, but it's all a big blur. Blurriness has taken over from beyond, beyond those days before there was actually a bond. A bond that held tight, though broke off after that night. The night I left you all alone holding one red rose, a rose I left you with the night you were to propose. Propose your love to me and love me for all lives to come, but I left you there, with a rose, with a hope, with a ring, that night you were to never see me again. "Blades To Kill" I took the knife and brought it to my neck, I felt the blade so sharp against me and so cold. My life flashed before my eyes like an old picture show, I felt the blade pressing harder and harder and I screamed "NO!" The knife dropped to the floor as I coughed with despair, I almost collapsed though made it to a chair. I picked up the knife again and thought to try again, not knowing if I was ready for it all to come to an end. I pressed the blade back to my skin, feeling nervous and thinking this isn't a way to win. The knife went into my throat and suddenly my eyes could see no more, I took one last breath and collapsed onto the floor. “Fading” It’s like I can’t count on you when I need you, Like I can no longer tell you how I feel. Like I can no longer tell you I love you, And no longer want to be with you. Like I’m locked up in a cage that you hold on your palm, Like you are staring me in the eyes and laughing all your way. Like you no longer want me to care for you or look deep into your eyes, Like you no longer want me to talk to you and just bid my good byes. Like I’m falling and you’re not going to be there to catch me, Like I’ve already landed and am now bleeding on the inside. All alone in a house with memories written on the wall, Memories that you put there and plan to let fade away. Up in my head you are always there reminding me of things I did with you, Things I remember as if they will still happen. Like I’m getting closer to what I want yet then I’m running away, Running from all the pain that you ever caused me..