There's nothing wrong with my life. It's pretty much perfect. Well, I guess if I could have things like I wanted them to be, then my life would be a lot different but since I can't, my life is pretty okay. Even though my boyfriend lives really far away, it still makes me smile everyday that I've ever even met someone that I want to be with forever. Sometimes I confuse myself. In that, I cry for no reason at all. Maybe there is really a reason behind it all I just can't seem to see it right now. There's nothing wrong between Mike and I so I know that's not it. I don't know. Today I just like started crying out of no where and I kept asking myself why. Like. I want someone to understand what's going on in my head. But I don't even know what's going on. I know that being Bipolar runs on my mom's side of the family. But I don't know if that's it. I haven't always been like this. But I have been for awhile. It's like. I want to say that I want someone to listen to what I have to say. But when it comes down to it, and I have someone listening, I don't know what to say anymore. I think I need to find out what's the matter, if anything at all, and learn to fix it. I tell everyone that you have to help yourself or at least be able to help yourself before you even begin to help anyone else. I need to listen to my own words. I feel trapped within myself. Almost like I'm searching for something in my head, but I can't find it, and I'm looking for a memory through all of the things in my head and it's been deleted, but I just keep looking. I have to get over it though. I can't keep crying over nothing. Or at least what I think is nothing. If I can't identify what is bothering me now, then I doubt there is anything. On a different note. I'm going to New Jersey in a couple of weeks. I think that will be a way to get away from a lot of things, but then at the same time, I don't want to get away. I know I'm going to miss Mike like crazy, but at least I'll still get to call him. I'll be away from my mom but I know she's going to call like everyday. Then I'll be getting away from all this nonsense at my house. My dad's girlfriend has some shit going on with her almost everyday. And even though I don't have to deal with it. I have hearing about it from my dad. I hate hearing the yelling. Whatever though. I need to figure all of this stuff out. I'll explain if I ever do. I love you Mike. More than anything that I had ever loved before. And I always will love you like no other. Goodnight fellow readers.