Well, it's January second, and although my new years eve was enough to help me forget where I was for the night...I just want to go home more than anything. I was woken up today the same time as usual, and just laid in bed for 20 minutes wondering why am I still here? And it's just been downhill all day long. I just keep on thinking about how much I feel I've changed this year. I dont feel half as mature as I should, I feel stupid most of the time and I worry I no longer possess the skills to land a decent job when I rotate to a normal life...I dont even remember what a "normal" life feels like anymore. And its going to be extra hard to find, or keep any kind of job seeing as how my work ethic has gone completely down the shitter, along with my Individuality. I'm worried most that because of these things My relationship with Kate will suffer and end up in the same place as my work ethic after I'm home. I'm scarred. I feel useless most of the time, probably from spending a year being treated like a piss ant nobody. Waking up everyday to do the same mundane tasks day in, day out. I have no patience anymore, the smallest thing like someone looking at me, or trying to tell me how they think I should do something, is More than enough to send me over the edge. I feel stressed out ALL the time, all I want to do is stay in bed. Sometimes I could break down and cry...I have no idea why most of the time. I went home two months ago and it all felt like a dream the first morning I woke up in Kuwait again...Like none of it even happened. I had already forgotten what I did and who I saw. I feel guilty most of the time because I feel like I didnt spend enough time with Kate, or family and friends, but yet I had no time to myself to just relax. But how can you relax when the voice in your head is counting down the days untill you need to catch a plane back to the one place you dont want to go? And you go and leave your future wife In tears all over again. Sometimes I think I've let the people around me down and thats all I've become now, a letdown. Then I think Kate will be next, I think I havent put enough effort into our relationship. Maybe I haven't written enough, maybe I haven't waited in enough lines to make enough calls to her, maybe she feels like I'm not giving enough back to her and I'm just greedily taking everything she offers to me. Some days Are just better than others I guess.