The way I remember greeting her as she returned to our townhouse after work. The way she held her pocketbook by the strap in one hand, and keys in the other. The way she smiled at me as she tilted her head down as if to keep the smile to herself. The way she looked over her glasses at me during this moment. What drove me to leave CT? It seems like I have a million happy memories there, first and second apartments. Just Kate and I, the two cats and our rescued turtles, cooking breakfasts and dinners. Watching or listening to John Mayer, waking up to her big beautifull eyes. Chasing each other around fresh out of the shower, snapping our towels at each other and throwing pillows around. Why couldn't I find it in myself to marry her? what is/was wrong with me? Doctors tell me this is what PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Dissorder) does. But why does it cause me to push out the good and hold back the bad? "reinventing yourself means erasing your past and making up something better." But what sort of past will my future hold?