First off...Happy mothers day to all!! Spent the weekend with Kim and her two daughters, I took them all out to breakfast and then again to dinner. There was a bit of a nor'easter yesterday. I wanted to go to the beach regardless of high winds and rain. I wanted to be amonst the crashing waves. I remember as a kid the day after hurricane Bob had hit, my mother took myself and my little brother to the beach just to see the huuuuge waves. Maybe she just wanted to get rid of us (I'm kidding!), but I had the biggest urge to take Kim and Alexis (Kims 9 year old) out to experience the waves. But no luck, I'm finding that I was almost falsely lead to believe that Kim was spontaneous. And her mood as of late has been almost mean spirited towards me. Everything I do or say lately gets greeted with some mean sarcastic comment, And when I try to talk to her about it...and let her know that shes saying some pretty hurtfull things to me, she just gets all mad, goes and lays down to take a nap. And this has been going on all weekend. She still occasionally tells me she loves me, but how she goes about showing it is almost like she loves me like I don't exist. Maybe I'm just expecting too much to actually have fun with someone I care about. I feel like I'm just being punished for being myself. For wearing clothes she dosent care for, for wanting to eat sushi, or wanting to go out and play whiffle ball. Just a few examples, but I'm getting very tired of feeling like I have to give up who I am to make this work....And it's just not going to happen, I will make compromises, but I refuse to completely lose my sense of self. It's all anybody truelly has. I feel compelled to call Kate, just to say Hi. But I know full well, thats a path that will just end up getting someone hurt. She left me a note in my last entry, with a link to a short animation of the kool-aid man. Somewhere on my lap-top I still have a video of her doing her best "oh-yeah" impression. It's comforting to know that occasionally I cross her mind. Before being deployed over seas I was given an old compass, enclosed were some pictures of Kate...I was told to use it to find my way back to her, now this compass resides in the console of my Explorer....Recently I've been thinking I need to mail this back to her...maybe it will bring her better luck than I've had in the last half a year. In other news, I planted my vegetable garden this weekend. Unfortunately the end of this month I'm taking a 3 week trip to Germany with my army reserve unit. I hate the military. Not only has my whole life been fucked up due to my time overseas, now my garden will get destroyed. Oh well, whatever, It's only after we've lost everything are we free to do anything right?