...Just got back after a run, No idea how long it was I was just running. I ran untill there was no more pavement, I ran untill my muscles felt hammered like nails, I fell, got up and ran again untill my heart felt as though it was pumping battery acid. I ran untill I had everything narrowed down, I ran untill the world fell away and it was just the path in front of me. I ran untill it seemed as though the wind was carrying me, I ran as though my life already ended. So yes, it turns out that I let Kate down again...I can only appologize so much, and I'm sure she (and everyone else) is tired of hearing it. What was I trying to accomplish by talking to her? Just to see if she was ok, I guess. Yes, she said she loved me, but I also said it back to her. Yes, I meant it...But I just feel as though the connection we once shared sailed off into the sunset a long time ago. I felt as though there was more of her that had moved on, than had stayed behind. And thats fine, I'm ok with that (not really, but what can I do?). I was supposed to go and see her this weekend, but I really didnt have to drive 2 hours to feel dissapointed, I could feel that over the phone. And I personally wasn't ready to face that, not that up close and personal, not yet. My mother tells me she thinks I'm turning into my father by only looking out for myself these days....well you know what, All of these classes and groups I have been going to for 2 weeks now have all told me thats exactly what I should be doing. So I am, and now that I'm doing it I'm finally starting to feel happy! So I think I should keep doing it, because one person can't please everyone. Because the only person you can count on really is yourself, And nobody can take that away from you (without a fight). I'm sorry people around me are unhappy that now I'm happy...I'm sorry for people if they think they've wasted their time on me when I was down...I'm sorry I couldnt stay miserable to make you happy. I'm sorry you can't have Kate as a daughter-in-law mom but Ive had the feeling since talking with her again that that ship sailed. It's just not there right now. I'm busy with my own life right now...not everyone else's, when did that become such a bad thing?