I feel as though over the weekend my mood level had dropped way down. I also came to a slight realization of why... I'm trying to find a part of myself that has up and dissapeared. Chasing down a memory of my pre-war self. Now after realizing this to myself, I also learned that the incredible relationship I had with Kate is now and probably will remain in the past. She has done a good job of moving on and being strong for herself...and it would be incredibly selfish of me to just expect to share our past love all over again. I think the pain that I'm feeling from her dating other people, is my weakness for not being able to do the same thing for myself right now. I Spent a better part of yesterday looking at the whole situation from all angles, and as much as it kills me to let her go off on her own...she's the better person for it. Right now, it's just a huge deal to me that she's even talking to me. But as far as getting back what we once had so long ago....I don't think that can happen, war changes people. And I've been a changed person since returning home from overseas. Now my responsibility is to myself in learning to live with these changes the rest of my life. It is incredibly unfair of me to expect everyone to completely understand and try to help me out. I need to do this on my own, is what it all comes down too. And expecting to find my former self on the other side of all of this, is wishfull, but I doubt very hopefull. I'm taking a new course in action and just going to find who I am right now, and how I have to live with myself. Everything we've done, Is just everything we did. Sometimes we Are just chasing ghosts.