At some point, the beggining of the week started a 7 day downward spiral that happend to culminate on a day that usually means so much to me. But on this "merry" (whats so merry about it?) christmas, I have accomplished nothing except a very large feeling of dissapointment to myself. Yesterday (christmas eve), I worked a half day....no big deal, at the end of the day the owner of my company went out and ordered lunch for his 23 employees. While eating lunch I was talking with a co-worker and for some strange reason she showed me her drivers license....upon reaching in my wallet where both my military ID and my drivers licenses have resided for the past 5 years....I found them to be among the missing. Ever get the feeling like your heart has just fallen right down to your feet and you can only think "oh shit".....and I was supposed to be going out with a buddy of mine after work, I just wanted to go home....I've had enough of this shitty little planet and how at every worst time things ALWAYS go horribly wrong. I dont even know why I havent jumped off a bridge right now. I had so many plans and things I wanted to do on my week off from work....but now, I must obtain a new drivers license, and new car insurane (as my insurance was cancelled on the 20th due to insufficient funds, because of this "merry" christmas). Did I also mention my explorer has been acting up which caused me to cancel my trip to PA with Kate so we could spend christmas together? now any money I had set aside to fix it and make an alternate trip to go and spend some time with her on my week off, Is now going towards a new license and car insurance policy.....So, no time with the girlfriend AGAIN!!! at this rate I cant even think of a time I will get to see her again. I think rather than take any journey off a bridge alone, Ill just take my explorer along for the ride...at this rate If I'm found dead in the fuckin thing, they will have some way to ID me. I so want to just drink heavily and forget for some small amount of time even, just how horrible my holiday really was. I didnt even spend it with family or friends....I slept, I didnt want to open or exchange gifts. I just laid around in bed, no lights, no presents, no phone calls wishing anybody a happy holiday....Because according to my father, my attitude is just going to ruin everybody elses christmas....so, rather than spread the joy of my christmas spirit (non existent by the way) I just slept in for a 24+ hour period. yeah, umm....merry fucking christmas