Yesterday was the day of my sisters graduation party. Fun times by all, especially moo...she was shy for all of 10 minutes, and then the little girl I know stepped into the pool and became the mermaid princess. What a doll she is! I love this little girl...I want kids of my own. Kate called me on saturday, just as I was comming home from work about 6 PM eastern standard time. I was in a bad area so I abrubtly let her go, and decided I should call her back because I have some feelings and thoughts I need to share. I had to let her know that I felt like I was being strung along. She wants to keep me in her life, but yet...she's off meeting and dating new people. I told her I can't do a long distance relationship...she took that as I wanted nothing to do with her, but I told her that what I meant was I want more! I'm ready for more, I am wanting to live with her, and would just pack up everything I own and go to her. I know this would be a terrific act of faith on her part. Because of the person I was in the past. But I have changed tremedously, but not completely...I've sought treatment and found understanding on why I was acting the way I was. Kate recognizes this and is very proud of me for it. That weekend we spent together 3 weeks ago it seemed like we were falling in love all over again, like we were rediscovering our life together, happy, complete and comfortable. And then it seemed after that, that was all it was going to be, just one weekend together. I can't carry on a relationship being a part time commitment. I want everything out of a relationship...I want all the good times and the bad times, I want to stick by thick and thin, I want my relationship to consist of the dynamic duo Kate and I once were...when I was over seas there were times I could almost read Kate's mind. I need that back. I want her back in my life. I need a great person to compliment and share in my great life. She seemed open to the idea that we should eventually live together...and I asked when? a year? 6 months? this is too long for me. She agreed thats too long to be separated. I think its been long enough, I think it's time to let the past die and carry on with building our future together. She tried telling me that now is not a good time for her, having roomates that make her feel like a prisoner in her own place...I said this isn't about them, it's about us. I'm not leaving MA to please her friggin roomates, I want to leave because thats what Kate and I have agreed on, because that seems to be the healthy thing to do. Then she said, well...her room is too small for the two of us...I said, I share a house with 9 other people....your room is a palace. Regardless, We plan on waiting a few months before We move together. It almost seems that Kate is so worried to make sure that everybody around her is happy and aggreeing with what she does that she just can't shake it off and do what makes her happy. Or maybe I'm wrong. Regardless, I fucking love Kate...and I have complete faith in my abilities to lead a fruitfull and meaningfull relationship with her in my life.