Where to begin? Where can I begin, If I'm not even sure of an ending. How about here... Lately I've been seeking help, reaching out to any hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on. I've turned to my family, because no matter how much I've accomplished in pushing everybody away and distancing myself from people all of these months, maybe years. They are all there for me. I had a bit of an intervention with them, I cried, I talked and I'm seeking major professional help. I can't live with myself anymore, I can't keep pushing away the good things I have and then look back and want it all over again just to push it away again. I can't keep living such a miserable existence I must have been put here for something better than what I have now. But what is it? where can I find it? I feel like I've gotten so far ahead of myself and I can't catch up. I need help trying to find peace and get myself together again. I'm thinking hospitalization of some sort, something to get me focused, and to help my scattered and stretched self try to relax. I can't live like this anymore. I can't live with myself anymore, but most of all...I dont even know why. I can't continue to ignore the fact that I need help, because it just gets worse by the day...like there is no escape from hurting everything in my life...family, friends, myself, strangers I just can't do it anymore, I've lived my whole life letting people go and pushing people away...why? it needs to stop! If I'm no good for myself, If I can't find some kind of peace within myself how can I find happiness in others? How can I make anyone happy if I'm even a let-down to myself? when will these questions get answered? and where do I look to find the answers? why do I hate life so much? why do I feel tired all the time but can't seem to sleep? why am I so restless like there's nothing to do, but I have a million and one things I need to do? I just dont know where to begin.