I've just had an epiphany. Okay, everybody hates hypocrites right? Or they say, "I don't like hypocrites!" Well, arn't hypocrites people who hate something but do/say it anyway? Like, Yuki says he hates boys but he does Shu-chan despite it. Okay, if you say you hate hypocrites, doesn't that make you a hypocrite yourself? And, in being a hypocrite of a hypocrite is it a greater hipocricy? Sometimes I don't understand myself. I have a feeling this is going to be a 'go deeper into Amanda's mind' entry. Sometimes I don't understand people, or understand why people don't understand me. I don't understand why people don't like Shakepeare or The Chrysilids and I don't understand why school seems to drag on. I don't understand why my parents seem to be unreasonable and I don't understand how Nikki can act so silly and be so smart. I also don't understand why there are giant balls of gas that we call stars in our night-time sky, and why the sun hasn't blown up yet. I don't understand how people can go on living normal everyday lives when they know the apocolypse is coming and we're all pawns in some sick boys mind. I don't understand why people do disgusting things like rape and murder and get away with it, or why they do it in the first place. I don't understand what made me wonder why I don't understand these things. I don't understand why the Japanese language appeals to me so much, or why I still eat so much yet want to loose weight. I don't understand why I want to be such an ass to Behm because he stole my best friend away (okay, I understand that) but don't resent him or blame him for it (I don't understand that part). Don't people always want to blame someone? I know I do, whatever little I have to blame people for. But I think the person I blame most is myself. It's the same with my parents, my mom blames herself when we tease her, but she blames me when she's done something wrong. I don't understand that, either. I don't understand why people shy away from blood and gore when it's perfectly real. It's what we're made of, what makes us human. Despite everyone thinking we have a 'soul' it's our body that makes us go. Once your bodies gone, your donefor. I don't understand why people think it's so weird for me to like different things. I don't understand why I like different things. But I don't understand a lot of things, so maybe thats it. No one is going to help me understand either, and I don't understand why. Anyways. Untill another 'Get inside Amanda's mind' entry. See-ya. ~Ja. (10:10 PM.)