i'm feeling kind of nastalgic. everything is kind of... funny. i'm feeling like i'm watching eveything on a movie and it seems to be fast-forwarding at times. leanna is feeling happier now im guessing, she's with behm alot still. and i still have to endure waiting 5 minutes for them to stop making-out to cross the road. cavell is... cavell. crystal and cassie and tes are almost non-existant in my world. like they've fazed themselves away from me. a couple of days ago at lunch i made a comment to leanna about feeling unwanted. like i wasn't needed because she has behm. that i was almost being pushed out of the picture. she said it wasn't true of course. i didn't mean it to be mean or upset it her it's just how i feel. it makes me want to cry. and now i'm tearing up. sometimes i just want to feel needed and i just feel so... obsolete. i just... i can't help but feel the ache. i sound depressed. i do have my moments don't i? it's times like this i wish i could just close myself off. i guess i'm feeling alone. like nobody else really needs me right now. like... i've outgrown my season. christmas is over now and as the decorations are going away so am i, not to be thought about untill christmas next year. yes, i've outgrown my season. not needed anymore. i think i'm deluding myself again. getting myself deeper into this stretch of unwantedness. it just feels so true. i hate it. i'm starting to hate myself.