well.. . . Things have been kinda wierd lately.. I had to quit smoking cause of drug testing... again. .. so i was lookin fer a new intoxicant. wich i didnt want to do. alcohols ok... . i was worried fer a while cause i couldnt find a good source. but i have one now. so thats cool.. . i guess. . i really dont like drinking. grrr. .. Girls got me all crazy... i think these girls are like, playing with my mind. which sucks. but whatever. .. . i just dont know what to do or think. i hate the subtle hints and things. thats the worst. cause like, it leaves u guessing. i say if its gonna b a hint. make it a big one. make it one a guy can understand. thats what i have to say about that... i just need something to go right .. . wich is a bit pessamistic i guess.. . cause some things do go right. . .. its just the things that dont matter go right. .. . but the big things go wrong. .. . thats what itis. im so tired of living here. i swear my parents are really trying to make me hate them. .. im so close to just walking out of here and never comming back. the only real thing thats stopping me is my graduation. . . cause i wanna graduate. and i kinda need a hosue to do that.... i think. . . Im tired of people saying "oh u would look good if u did thiss....." or "u would realy look cute wearing this..." . i just wish someone could sincerely say "u look _____ today" without any "you would....."s. i dont like people telling me what id look good in or whatever. in fact. id almost prefer someone that doesnt call me HOT. and stuff like that. except fer this one girl who says her friends say it. shes wonderful. .. i dunno.. im just lost.. i cried in chem today. not sure why. i dunno. i ws just real depressed today. been that way lately. . . that nneeds to stop. its all this like, aloneness i think. whatever. i guess thats just the way it is. .. ive been sing ferever it seems like. and its been good... i dont know how ive lasted this long. but its good. im proud of myself. i hope things get better..