So i started seeing a therapist. my mom said it was family therapy and we would all work on our problems together. thats what i agreed too. but now i see that im the only one going to therapy. like everything is my fucking fault. i feel betrayed by my parents again. i need to leave. so basically i love my girlfriend sooooooooooooooo much its rediculus. i like it. she makes me soooo happy even when shes mean. shes all i have, but its ok cause shes everything I want. this is going really well. better than any other relationship ive ever been in. i want this to last a very long time. she is so smart it doesnt make sence. and funny. even when she doesnt know it. and damn she is so sexy i just cant even handle it. aaaaaaaaah so in other news i got caught drinking last night. i was drinking by myself on my front porch while on the phone with Madison, and my dad came out and asked what i was drinking, to which i replied, "cranburry juice". he then drank some and could tell it wasnt. fucked. so yea he of course accused me of being high as if drunk wasnt good enough for him. fucking dick. it was so lame. i was pretty drunk though. damn im an idiot. my therapist said i did nothing wrong but should watch my drinking because he knows i will like it too much. i had a long talk with my mom about how she or my dad dont know who i really am. they just assume because i have to act a certain way around them. which is realy stupid actualy. and how they dont respect me or treat me with any dignaty. like im a little child. im fucking tired of it. its hard to take every day. EVERY DAY. I can already tell that they are starting to drain me of my pride. take the fight out of me. break me. its very depressing. my shrink told me that im 4 times more likely to develop any type of addiction because my parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles are all alcoholics. fuckin surprise surprise. i hate this shit. im tired of being here. my mom said she doesnt want my house to feel like a prison. but it always has. and it will not stop feeling that way. they want me to tell them what the answare is but i dont have those answares and seeing the way they have always acted with me, i dont think there is any answare anymore. and i guess its all my fault. after all i'm the one they tricked into going to therapy, and the one they tricked into telling them about smoking, which has seriously made my life hell, and theres, yet i still get blamed. i get blamed for running away, and being an angry person, when in reality its just years of repression thats been building up finally getting released, and they dont like the looks of it. so now i have to keep repressing my feelings because nothings gonna change with them.i have to change. its my fault im different. It seems like the only person that acts like they care who i am or how i feel is Madison. Thats why i love her so much. i need her to keep up this puppet regime of a life. shes cutting the strings so i can dangle freely and eventually land on the platform that my feet have hovered above for so long, and longed to touch. god shes amazing.im a very lucky boy. not a man for sure. but its good enough. I can dial her number in the dark. i think thats cool. I love you