good god im annoyed and its really sad; i dont know what to do with myself really. nothing seems to matter anymore and everyone is pissing me off. i wouldnt call this depression because im just straight up not feeling anything, im not sad at all. i dont remember the last time i cried, or the last time i was really truly happy. because when you get down to it i dont even know what makes me happy anymore. everything just seems like straight up bullshit. the promises i make to myself, the life i live...its all crap. and whats the point of it really? i guess this feeling of detatchment just makes it easier for me to let go of everything and turn to do what i know is right. i know its right to paint, and i know its right to draw so fuck it, thats what ill be doing. sorry, you wont be seeing much of me. i need to figure things out, i need to make some changes, i need to understand. sometimes i percieve myself as being such a weakling, lower than everyone around me. i do put myself down a lot. but then again, i know im strong...i know i have some talent, i know im smart, so what the fuck....why cant i know this all the time, where does this knowledge slip away to? this numbness is stupid, and when it comes down to it, its really you, alone against the world.