i called him. and i broke up with him. but before he knew what i was calling him about, i guess i sounded distraght because he said in this really concerned voice "are you ok?" and it broke my heart. i wanted to turn back and not go through with it but i knew i had to. now i cant believe what i just did. and im wondering what hes doing right now. its better this way, right? i dont have to include him in my little world anymore. i wouldnt want anyone to get too close. because then things would change. and i hate change. today in the car with laura we listened to underoath and it reminded me of so many things that were from a better times that it almost made me sick to my stomach. i wonder if in three more months i will look back at now and miss it. i seriously hate it when people are mean to other people. this sounds pretty hypocritical because i think i might just talk a lot of crap about people. but... i dunno. ive just noticed people being horrible to other people without reason lately. and i dont like it. it makes me sick. i kind of wish that i could call alex now. because i always fucking complain to him. damn it....what is my problem? fin.