i can't breathe without oxygen

Feeling: ambivalent
i dont think ive ever felt this way before. ive never felt like i needed a boyfriend in my life to be happy. and this is true...because whenever i do have one, they rarely make me happy. and this is where my dissatisfaction and doubt lies. i am scared that i will never know what it feels like to love and to be loved in return. all my attempts have failed me and i am starting to seriously doubt any interaction of this sort ever happening. its not fair, i am not jealous of her. i dont want him. i am jealous of what they did have. that they were able to experience such strong emotions and devotion to each other. they knew one another like the back of their hand. and then i turn to myself. i can see my reflection in the mirror but i will never know what i really look like from the outside. if i were not me, would i like the person that was me? am i as consistent and predictable as say, wyatt or becca, in my ways? do i think too hard? sometimes i am scared that one day the whole world will just end. that we humans are careless. that one day everything will just run out. that all of the water will have dissappeared because of our waste and that what we consider to be trash will take over. i am afraid of global warming and the o-zone layer dissappearing. the glaciers will melt, dramatically changing the depth of our oceans, allowing its waters to overflow the mainland. i am afraid that the earth will have to face another ice age. i am afraid for all of the trees being chopped down to produce the paper that we waste everyday. that one day i will not wake up because of lack of oxygen. i am afraid of pollution, that one day we will live in nothing but a cloud of smoke, that we will all suffer from carbon monoxide poisoning. i am afraid that we are all slowly killing ourselves with carelessness and lethargy. am i crazy? or does the human race do nothing but destroy? i worry about this way too much. but hey, what can i do about it? oh yes AND... only rain down streets and stormdrians how could i forget THAT?
Read 8 comments
good. entry. yes.
[Anonymous]
You aren't crazy, the human race does destory, and destroy some more. We kill each other, we kill ourselves, we kill the animals..I feel loveless and alone also, and many a times I've been left staring in the mirror, knowing no one will ever love me the way I want to be loved.
[Anonymous]
wow zoë. you definately do think a lot. i do too sometimes, but i rarely get that far. i often wonder what i look like from the outside, its makes me a litle uncomfortable, its not a nice thought. and the world, yeah, we're destroying ourselves. humans will eventual reduce this earth to a small pebble. of coarse, we will be dead. and i wont feel sorry for the humans. but i will for the animals *tear* but try not to stress out on these things
I can relate to the first part of this entry so well. You said so many things that I've felt and thought. Jealousy. Dissatisfaction. The never ending questions. Sometimes you seem really similar to me, although I don't know you that well.
[Anonymous]
i think about that stuff too, i hope evryone thinks about stuff like that, well i used to think like that, but after awhile it becomes tiresome, and it puts me down too much. it is a scary place were living in, but the people are more harmful, than the things you think about. The point is were all gonna die one way or another.
what do you think about the aztec calender, thats says the world is gonna end in 20014, so far they have been right.
[Anonymous]
Don't you hate waiting-To wait for loved or be loved. I do. Especially when I feel like it's all sitting on a beautiful platter waiting for me; however, it also feels like there is a glass wall coming between. I feel you darling. I also remember when we made those commercials in 8th grade"Only rain goes down your stormdrains!" Innocent days,huh? I sometimes do feel like all humans do is destory,but then I see two lovers kissing .Yourtimewillcome!
[Anonymous]
you must first love yourself before you can love another human being...
[Anonymous]
wow, way to write down every fear, selfish and otherwise, that i've had/have.

oh wait, you left out the part about dying in space, and walking into an automatic door because it didn't open in time.

and needles.