im tired of wasting my time on people who mean nothing. and why do i do this? i am not an outgoing person. social relationships scare me. anxiety of what im going to say in a conversation holds me back. but i do want relationships with people, i dont want to be alone. ive always wanted a best friend and so i always told myself "in order to get closer to someone you must spend time with them, risk the awkward silences" and that is what ive tried to do. im sorry if ive patronized you endlessly. maybe i am fake. i dont know maybe you can be fake without ever knowing it. all i do know is that i have wasted my time. i am supposed to do things. go somewhere in life. while i could be working towards my goals...because i do have them... i am at your house watching TV, making small talk. i am exhausted. i dont know what else to say. OH YEAH im not going to some mediocre art school. im going to chicago. im going to get a full scholarship. im going to be an artist for me, and my family and mrs. post who deserves more than i could ever give her. i watched cribs at your house the other day. and all those rappers with their 25 expensive cars really pissed me off. all of that metal they are wasting to have sit in their garage like a trophy. well theres not fucking way that ill ever go into design. im not designing for the human race's greed. there are so many people who have nothing. im tired of having nothing. the end.