today was, eh, blah. all these things are going through my head and its so confusing. i dont know what to do anymore (as if i knew in the first place). hm, he likes me i know he does. but im going to tell him tomorrow and if he does like her (which apprently he does a lot because if he didnt it would have ended sooner or even ended...) and that he should be with her if he wants to. and dont worry about me im not that important, he should be happy with whoever he wants to be happy with. i guess. and then i think why would he want to go out with me...why would anyone really. none of them know me. what kind of girlfriend does he want? what kind of girlfriend is amanda? why is he still with her? why would he not be? and as if that wasnt trouble enough, another guy is being a confusing little prick as well. im not sure what he's trying to do. if its confuse me then its working. miguel ...eh michael...broke up with his gf this morning, travis broke up with his gf, mike broke up with his gf..or well he got dumped really which is funny, in a sucks for you kind of way. im having an ugly week. i hate it when this happens. its just a bad week all together. blah. holy mother of cheese why me dammit? why couldnt i be one of those girls who has a boyfriend and is happy and has lots of girlfriends (and i dont mean that sexually for you perverted freaks out there...although even if i did im thinking it wouldn't be a plural word) ..that she goes places with and be damn happy dammit. but no im one of those girls who is always depressed because she isnt good enough apprently for these dumbass guys who keep screwing with her head because they know they can do it. jerks. all guys are jerks! it will have been a year on april 17th that i have been fucking single. what is wrong with that? ill tell you whats wrong with that, its damn wrong. and its not very fair. and all i have to do is sit my fat ass in this chair and complain about my problems to myself and eat peanut butter with my fingers telling myself im better than her when i know im not. and i wish guys would quit saying im hot because i sure as hell dont see what they see. oh sure i look ok with makeup and cool clothes...ever seen me when i wakeup in the morning..yea didnt think so. its a scary sight trust me. dammit. ok well i guess im done making points to myself, you know talking about your problems is supposed to make you feel better, but it only makes things worse for me...even though when i dont talk about it i still feel bad. i guess ill just feel bad no matter what. hmm, doesnt that suck. p.s. this weekend sucked, its that time of the month so i feel really fat and ugly, im still single, he still isn't, i guess ill just have to wait and see what happens, but im gettin really tired of doing that...