OMG. I really fucked things up. I was talking to Zac. and he always hangs up on me. so i was like DONT HANG UP ON ME! and hes like what do you think of when i hang up on you.. and im like that your a... and hes like asshole? and i was like no!.. and he was like yea.. and hung up on me. and then i tried calling him back. like literally 30 times. and he hung up on me over and over and said to stop calling. well.. I know. i should have just left things as they were and let him just think. but no. i kept calling. and then finally the last time. i got so mad that he wouldnt let me explain myself. i was just like Can I just say ONE thing?! and hes like no.. and im like Well.. NOW YOU A TRUE ASSHOLE! and i hung up on him. and grr i shouldnt of said that. I always fucking screw everything up. and then i was trying to talk to him online. b.c. he I M ed me and he was like.. Nicole... that really hurt you calling me an asshole.. you really know how to put me down. ty... and i was like your not an asshole. and hes all like yea! your the one who said it. and now i now thats what you think of me. and we just kept going back and forth. then he was just like. It really puts me down that when a person i really like calls me an asshole.. :'( I didnt mean it! i was just mad that he wouldnt let me speak. god. whats wrong with me. then he was just like "you really know how to screw things up by yourself." ... and even before I ever went out with him.. which was in like augest. I told him I always found a way to screw up my relationships. and he was like you cant screw this one up... but guess what? I just did. I need help or something. I can never keep any relationships.. but I don't care about any of the other relationships.. I only care about Zacs. And god. I want him so bad. And I was so close we started talking more. and everything was going great. but now. god. I hate myself. god. h/o.. gotta get a tissue. ok.. well grr. Im so pissed at myself right now. and if i were zac. i probably wouldnt ever talk to me again. and id probably hate me. god. but I hope he can forgive me. Im soo sry. If anyone is the asshole here.. It's me. -Nicole.