sigh of relief to remind me to keep breathing. i keep forgetting have you ever gotten something that you wanted sooooooo bad, but you don;t have time to enjoy the win? im screaming inside because i got it. i smile when no ones looking, and sometimes they catch me and ask me to explain, but they don;t reslly get it. im getting out im living my dream well not yet, and the anticipation is killing me i win, i do i will do so much but i want to start now i want a canvas as big as my room so i can pour myself onto it and when i finished i'll cover it in a tarp and hide it away sometimes somethings are so powerful they hurt i want to make it hurt and then store it away, to look back on years from now though the paint, every stroke will be ingrainded in me, always able to recall every detail in my mind i don;t want to see it its so much me, i can't have it near me its in me. i bleed paint, im shureof it my tears are turpentine how could they not be? sigh im just bursting at the seams and i want to let it burst and color my world but i dont; have the time and no one wants to see such a painting im sure it can kill