im not moving forward and only slowly slipping back.. i wish i knew which way this life way going... maybe sideways, and i keep i hitting the wall... must move forward.. find the door.. why is there always that push forward.. unhappy where we are i guess.. but what makes it any better through the door ahead? and all those happy memories from before.. maybe if i move backward i can regain such.. but i just seem to float farther away... i guess i'm not going in much of any direction... floating and drifting for the time being... just another day trying to figure out all the chemically altered egos of those around me.. floating. oh how i wish to swim and break free of such a stand still... is it that i need floaties? all the people who try to encourage end up as weights tied to my feet.. no longer floating .. but drowning... one of my worst fears.. to feel the water around my mouth nose and eyes.. penetrating my lungs and the pressure increases from all sides... the pressure is increasing now and i do not know how much longer i can float, but i know not which way to swim... who is my lifeguard? if i had one, the lifeguard for my shift has fallen asleep on the job.. oh how they will wake to another at the bottom of the pool of life and a nasty sunburn...