so it’s really starting to hit me i do care. so much more than i thought i could. before... i guess i didn;t believe it... but yea. he;s going away... five years. i’ll be legal to drink when he gets back. and he almost saw me turn to an age at which he would be legal for me. =( he always said that he would disappear when he got the chance.. when he gets out, that would be his chance. i think he;ll come back tho. so does jew. im so helpless to him right now. i want to do something. anything. but there is nothing that can be done. so i sit restless.. waiting til.. i don;t even know what i’m waiting for anymore... waiting for some cue before i burst into some action that is also undecided as of yet. waiting for the unknown to do the unknown... and if the cue passes me by, i;d never notice. people and things that have been important to me have been slipping away.. this is that one thing that opens ur eyes. but it;s hard to hold on as you can;t decide what is important to you.. the decision takes to long and you lose your chance. turns out that was something inportant. very important. eventually “emma” will slip away from me. time takes me. age numbs the mind. i’ll be old and feeble.. and think back on everything important in my life. at that point i’ll be too weak to hold on to what is important to me. i’ll just watch it all drift away. im still floating on my river. staying still. the water and everything it holds rushes by me. now i watch bobby slowly float away.. he;s sinking ever so slowly as he drifts. consequences pulling him down. when he was “free”... awol... he was only holding onto a rock to stay afloat. but he;s llost him grip on that stone. the water has him now and will take him as it pleases.