so last night was looking down. plans ruined feelings hurt. very hectic but at least it was funny. joy and her ghetto asian self. adriana didnt want to be with me and pat so we were alone all night. sooo nice. he makes me feel very wanted sometimes i dont know if its a good thing but this time feels sorta different and less akward. then i was getting tired and i wasnt gonna sleep on the couch all night. i dont skip chances to sleep in REAL beds. i love how he kisses. and his lips . ah. he doesnt let go and it makes you feel so warm i was shaking. oh well we didnt do much. but right then.. i dunno. probably just because its so different than the other guys. i dont feel dirty inside to let him close. having my ass slapped and calling me sexy just doesnt work for me. and it gets worse when you add the smell of alcohol to their breath. and to think that i actually started to think that was just the norm..