so its 4 in the morning and im still up and guess what im thinking about. yeah. so im sad that he left me. of course i am. but i cant forget that even i had to push thoughts of breaking up with him out of my mind. it wasnt that hard to do because i thought i was causing all the problems. i thought my paranoia was the real cause of all the tension and his lack of talk. i thought that as soon as i relaxed things would get better. i thought that it was just a phase. i thought he was gonna stick with this and if i didnt wait out what could be a phase after wanting him for so long. well i would have been left wondering forever. but why did i think all this? because he told me so. after our whole past, i even told him we could never be anything more now that i think about it. he looked me in the eye and promised me things would be different he said he wasnt giving me up again. so many times. tell the world how comfortable he was and tell me too.. he ditches me and i dont get mad i just tell him that i am sad things arent good with the fam. i still gave him the chance to go but no. he says he would be there. he apologized for not being there. he said we would hang out. then BAM its over. and then in a split second he tells me something thats contradicted EVERYTHING hes ever told me. everything that had to do with us as a couple anyways. i mean i let him string me along i know i never pushed him away accept for in kentucky.. i guess this is what i get for being "the faithful one" USED but we were friends and i could make excuses before but by now he should have known that he didnt have the right feelings for me. i could pretend that i wasnt his rebound girl or the girl to get his mind off kayti before. but theres no getting around it this time. hes lied to me. and if he never felt right with me this time then he never felt right before. he wanted me when it was convenient for him. my friend. my BEST FRIEND thats so hard to get over. it was only wierd when he flirted and i didnt know how to act or when other people were around (LAME PAT, LAME!) but i always felt like if i really needed something he would have been there. aside from the many many people that i know, i really only had him and adriana. and how sad that when scott and andrew invited me to get him the first thing i think is "i bet he wont be happy to see me" my friend. my BOYFRIEND. and i was right. i was ignored MY FRIEND MY FUCKING FRIEND! used me, lied to me, and now has completely abandoned me and doesnt even care when i announce that hes throwing our friendship away. it hurts that this friend who i happened to like who i happed to give a year of my life to after all the drama because i CARE ABOUT HIM... doesnt seem to mind my absence at all. i feel so dumb. i feel so sad.