"Without you..everything falls apart..without you..its not as much fun to pick up the pieces" -NIN Everything has been lost. I feel like have no idea who the fuck I am anymore. Maybe thats a teen thing, but I remember over the summer feeling like I knew exactly who I was and it felt so fucking refreshing.. Now I can't even stand myself, let alone anyone around me. It scares me that I have even thought of retreating to my old ways of picking up the blade. I never want to go there again, but lately the craving keeps growing stronger. I dont think I am emotionally strong enough to survive in this house..this town..this world? Too many thoughts are invading my head and I cant even dicifer whats real. I feel like I am a damaged good. Been thrown down in the aisle by every customer that had their eye on me. Also I'm beggining to feel sad that i just compared myself to a grocery item..hrm.. I wish i had some sort of clarity right now...but my eyes are blurry and my hands bloody and I dont want to go on. I would hate to sound like the stereo-typical teenage girl who wears black and wishes for death...but I guess thats that catagory I'm falling under lately... It seems like everyday I do something else to fuck up my chances of success or happiness. Another rant from mom about how lazy I am and how much of a fuck-up I am. Another reminder that the guy I loved has burned all reminders of me out of his head. Fuck. ...fuck fuck fuck... I want to crawl in a ball in a dark corner and just hide. hide until I grow out of my teenage years. Damn it, the more I write the more I sound like everything I hate. "oh I'm a teen and no one undertstands me" "oh I'm so utterly depressed" "oh. life is piontless" Im just very confused as to why one day I can feel like I am on top of everything and then the next day I am dirt being stomped on by everyone that I know. Maybe one day I wont have to feel like this... Trent Reznor is a god...I want to fuck him like an animal..lol