how stupid for thinking things were better how stupid for thinking things would stay this way how stupid for thinking I was happy how stupid for thinking how fucking stupid to think things would be okay how fucking stupid to think I would be okay how fucking stupid to think that I would never feel this again how fucking stupid for thinking. how stupid am I? very. I'm trying so hard not to smash everything in sight... And I want to be so fucked up that nothing makes sense anymore.. ...so fucked up that I dont know where I am or who I am. I dont want anything to be real. I just want to live in some fiction for once. I give her everything. And I try so hard but shes right. everthing I do is wrong. there is no point. and there never was. I give up.