I wish I wasnt here.... I'm so far faded I'm not even fucking alive. Maybe I'm bipolar or just crazy... Why does everyone around me have to be so perfect? And as much as they think they arent..they are.Everyone around me is so charismatic and interesting....its sick. They're so perfect. Heres something else I wrote..Thinking about what my mom said [yelled] to me last night, and about Andrew...the guy I'll never come close to having...here it is: -A remixed version of me look in my eyes and you wont see a positive thing about me. A blank stare, an empty gaze hollow thoughts and figures ariving at any given point. Push me further into this cell and lock the door on your way out theres no need for a key when all that I'll be...I'll be... is me. I'm making my way to this comforting corner. A picture of you taped to my memory If only you could be real. Then maybe I wouldnt feel so fake. But your just going to be a beautiful mistake.- I dont want to go to this party....I actually want to crawl in a hole and hide..but I think this could potentially be fun and I'm always the one who hates to miss out on things...so I shall go...I just hope I dont start crying there....[gag-crying-gag]