Tonight I heard the most amazing thing anyones told me for the longest time. convo with XXXXXXX tonight. lovelydsgrace: thats nice lol why do u have a pit talking to me? XXXXXXX: I dont know maybe because i miss u and b/c I cant talk to you and I keep thinking about that night lovelydsgrace: well that'll all go away when u fuck that chick lovelydsgrace: :-P XXXXXXX: I dont think so XXXXXXX: cause I really dont love her lovelydsgrace: well u dont love me either lovelydsgrace: I give it a week lovelydsgrace: its prolly gas XXXXXXX: ur right I dont think I can love u but I'm in love with u XXXXXXX: I've thought about u for the past year XXXXXXX: its not going to leave Slowly but surely my self esteem is rising. everything has changed. everything. everyones boring and so used up like all of their words. Everyones face is somehow a little more twisted and yet more plain. Everyones hands are so fucking stained. I shouldve seen this one coming. But I didnt. It hit me head on. But im telling myself its alright. everythigns alright. ...its going to be alright. gotta keep the self esteem where its at or higher. And if I think anymore...its gonna drop again. I read a note from one of my ex bf's that at the time I had no clue what he meant bc I thought he was insane. But its like this: you get to a point like here ` and then something happens and you end up here _ and then its so hard to even try to get back to here - damn I wish I understood him more when we were together. anywho this was pointless and somehow I think all of thses entries are. but still I write them. ah well... I'm still hoping one day I'll wake up and I'll be someonelse someplace else sometime else. until next time motha fakoos.