wow I just want to start by saying... "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHH!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Really needed to get that out. I want to shoot some people and maybe myself as well.... things are crazy... I want to cry and scream and laugh and throw something and punch someone and hug someone and cry again ....thats how fucked up everything is right now This is insanity at its finest. And I have realized you really cant count on anyone .....well I already knew that but I was reminded. throwing a party tomarrow... not really excited anymore.. Jordan likes me. I told him I liked him but that I was telling myself not to bc this is how it started last time.. A great funny guy who makes me laugh all the time who makes me feel so great...who likes me and I like him..... isnt that how it always starts? And then we will take this to another level and I will end up being pushed off the level by him.... its all too familiar. I'm so scared right now. Is it still denial if you know your in it? I feel like a vampire.. like I'm dead but I'm still alive u know? the undead...hmmm Anyways people really suck these days but I just wont mention names bc that'd be too harsh right? whatever... until next time...