Listening to: The Noose - apc
Feeling: lost
i dont know how to feel at the moment... i guess i'm feeling a little overwhelmed...
see, the what happened is.. i met a guy.. in one of my classes.. haha... pretty funny.. and well... he.. made it pretty apparent that he was interested in me... and.. hm. we've been going at this for a while now... and on halloween(during the day, while i was waiting for my lab...) we... hung out.. and ... hm... we... spoke... and then.. i dont know why.. i guess i had missed the warmth of a persons hand... so i just "forgot" to let go of his hand.. and he was fine with that... and... haha... wow... i'm nervous... and i just.. he held... well, wrapped his hands around me... and... i ... just... cupped the left side of his jaw with my hand... and... i dont know why.. what .. i just... it was... just.. incredible what he did next... he put his hands over my hand that i was cupping his jaw with... he startled me... and i looked up at him... and... well... he smiled...
was that a moment?
correct me if i'm wrong... but i'm pretty sure that was a moment... i mean... what else could that have been?...
i'm really confused right now.. today, as i was walking to class.. i saw him talking to a girl on a bench... i freaked out.. hyperventilated.. that kind of thing... it was terrible... hahaha i cant believe i allowed a guy to trouble me so!!! why?! i dont even know him!!! how embarassing... this is so juvenile.. yet i haven't changed... that could have been a cousin.. his friend... bah.. i dont know... this shouldn't be happening.. this is ludicrous!!
i can't find a middle... it's either on one side of the scale or the other... just extreme.... ridiculous.
oh, i need help... can't forget that.. my... mm.. "condition" is surfacing again... can't allow that now, can i...
mhm.......
this is pretty contorted....
there's so much.. soooo much... so little time.
And don't worry, we all get like that...well I do anyway. I get the rage haha