it hurts, all of it. my chest, my arms, my ass, my legs, my insides. it hurts to breathe. despite being fully aware of the pain, no mercy from my eyes. even my forearms are sore. i feel, how do i feel. rhetorical question, can't give an answer to a question i don't really understand. feel. feel. what does that mean. to feel. i use that all the time, never really thought about the meaning, the implications of my responses. feel. what does it mean. to feel. to experience. i don't get it. i feel, i don't know how i feel. i need to wash my face. what have i done. i really messed up this time.

i made a mistake. several times, over and over. god. why. i guess i just act like, whatever. just go about doing whatever. i don't think i can be friends with this person. not right now anyways, later maybe. i don't know. i'm thinking about just opting out of everything. just getting out. it feels like, or at least i remember it was a good idea at one point in my life. maybe it'll work now. i'll do it. yeah.