my tongue feels numb. on monday i slept for 17 hours. i cried in my sleep. i see myself, i am here but i'm so ahead of myself i can't enjoy anything that's happening. food means nothing to me. i drink and i feel like there isn't enough water in the world to quench my thirst. i know i should probably start running again but i'm afraid i'll hurt my achilles again. what's left? nothing. i feel so, i feel like, i can't, i'm at a loss of words.

all that progress is slipping through my fingers. so hollow. i'm a shell. what am i going to do with all the extra time? i don't like having so much free time, too much time to think. i like staying busy, the chaos. the struggle keeps me from thinking, confronting other issues. so empty. what a waste. i'm

SO FUCKING BORED.

i'm going to nail my finger to the wall. the thought of it is actually very soothing. i should be studying, i feel fine though. hm.

what am i supposed to feel, do? i haven't had this much alone time in months, i don't know how to be anymore. i could paint. or draw. i should study. when i paint i'm, it doesn't feel the same. what the fuck am i doing. what am i doing. i feel so useless. helpless. eh don't like this.