i dreamt about a goldfish. i was in the kitchen, looking over the pile of dishes on the table. my mother was standing on the other side of the table. she was talking and i don't remember what she was saying. i look over to my right and on a wooden cutting board i see a llive goldfish that was the size of my hand. i pick a bowl out of the pile and wash it and fill it with water. i put the goldfish in but it's not submersed. i try a few more bowls but none of them are big enough for the fish. i finally spot one and i see my mother had been using it and i tell her to help me save the fish. i grab the bowl, wash it, fill it with water and turn over to look for the fish. at this point the fish has completely dried up into a roll. i cry. i woke up crying, actually crying. i couldn't stop crying.

my nails are long again.

i need to make an appointment soon. i need to be enrolled in the class first. i need movement, change. what am i looking for? goals. i haven't even had time to enjoy the "fruits of my labor" and i'm already planning out for the next goal. i need to stay busy. i don't like wasting time. is this a waste? i'm feeling better. i'm talking. the words exist outside of me. i can come back to this and it will still exist. someone can find this, read this. the power of writing. what a privilege. i'm not being sarcastic at all. two languages. that's incredible.

i was laughing so hard i cried. my eyes are not what they used to be.