please excuse the music, wasn't intentional... mmm

anyways, so i guess i'm bolder than i thought.

monday, after working out and doing this and that and running and abs and blah i just, i got the urge to just blurt out how i was feeling about my gym buddy. so there i am, words, the words... i couldn't conjure up words to describe how i felt, much less arrange them in a coherent manner. so there i go, "aw fuck it... *mumble mumble*" all he heard was fuck it babahahah. so i told him he should follow me home and he did. we got to my house, outside we talked then i told him i liked him. and he said that he liked hanging around with me. this guy.

he wanted to hear me spell it out for him. yeah.

so i told him that i guess i should clarify what i'm trying to say

"i like you as in i enjoy your company, i appreciate the time we spend, i find you attractive... that romantic kinda stuff"

cheesiest smile.

he said he liked me too and if things were different with work who knows but that right now isn't a good time because he's looking to work outside of town and so he doesn't know what's going to happen next plus he barely has enough time to go to the gym, work, and sleep.

i told him i felt the same way, life is kind of hectic right now and that with work, family, the gym, i don't really have a lot of time for myself... i told him i liked working out with him.

i must have asked him sixteen times if he was okay, how was he etc.

we hugged, he needed to go. he was so close. we were finally hugging, a real hug. so i looked up at him and told him

"can you just, would you, can you let me just, just let this happen, just go with it"

he looked at me smiled and i guess pretended he didn't know what i was talking about.

so then i kissed him. two kisses.

followed by more kissing.

and some more.

and then some.

yeah.

i guess that's how it's going to be.

i don't want to sleep with him.

yesterday. yesterday he was moody... no, frustrated, work. it's not going so well. he's not happy there.

he has anger issues. this scares me. if yesterday, keep in mind that we're not together, i felt very uncomfortable being around him and just watching him go about things... what would it be like if we were dating?

i need to think this through. not really, i know what i should do. i don't want to though.