i loathe this feeling. this. i hate it. i feel like there's a burning water balloon in my stomach. i hate it. so much. i hate being this. i'm not this. but i am right now. i hate it so much

writing about it isn't helping, if anything it's making me angrier. i want to do something about this. i don't like this. she didn't do anything. he did. he was the one. she just plays all sides. like a child. she doesn't care about the consequences. she's so caught up in the rush it gives her.

she reminds me of me.

i hate this.

i shouldn't feel this way about her, i should already expect this. but him. why. i don't want to speak to him right now. i'm actually pretty furious. i'm actually furious. i'm not going to respond. to any of it. i don't want to. i want to drift away right now. actually, i want to cry. i really want to cry. i don't know what to do. i don't like this feeling. i feel so hurt. that's what it is. i'm hurt. i feel like i'm closing up again. i just opened up. it's too soon. it's too soon. it's with him that i should feel angry. with him. i'm not going to respond today

i won't respond to tommorow either. i'm so angry. this is crazy.