i always think that im falling behind and i knew some of these things would happen like during the week ill be really "happy" and i was actually kind of happy this week but then the weekend comes and i end up with me myself and i and i always end up thinking and when i think i dont think good things and i end up going back to everything, everything i dont want to back to thinking of and like ive forgotten about boys and stuff but like during the week theres times where like i get excited or happy over something and then i get shot down like somehow it turns around just to make me bler and then like ive been trying to control myself this week and its kind of funny in my own heads way of thinking of it and like ya but sometimes i feel so far yet so close to everyone(friends) and like ya i cant really rely on some of them and stuff and like last week me and erica just exploded about it and shes the only one to turn to and im really glad that i found that i can talk to her and its something im happy for and ya but ive been doing better since me and her talked but ya i think i might be falling just slightly just a bit but im holding tight and i dont think i need to call her but if i end up at the point where i need to, dont worry ill call you but ya so tomorrow me and sarah l are goin to prom and im not sure what sarah f is doin cuz she doesnt seem to know and right now doesnt seem to want to clue me in and no effence sarah but your parents do it for your safety and its cuz they care even though your dad is a total ass but like you should nagotiate say that maybe youll go till like 4 or so i dont know but its just all stupid and yes there dumb and stuff but you relize you met him 2 weeks ago and your goin to hang out at a prom thing and theyve only met him once and stuff its just you have to relize your only 15 and your still a kid, hell im still a kid im beyond that and as much as you want to not believe it you have to because your not an adult and kids dont get adult like privelidges however you spell it, but whatever off that subject cuz i dont want to think about it, because not only do i want to think of that but i also dont want to think about boys, and like i said earlier ive been getting off of that subject and getting away from it and im proud of myself and stuff and ive also gotten off of the fact of my appearence not that i really ever cared of what ppl thought of me but this week i felt like a bum like i didnt even do anything i put clothes on brushed my hair and left the house oh put make up on and i guess i put my hair up but whoa what an amazing girl i have no one to go to school for like no one specifically just a few whom i like think are cute and just whatever i dont really care about them or anything but ya, ugh one thing is that i cant believe that thing that im thinking of right now its flusterating but ya like i hate it when ppl tell me things and they dont even know about it and stuff and it happens all the time and ppl dont know that sometimes it kills me or just upsets me and turns me down and like they dont know it and it just screws me over but they dont know it cuz i never open up to ppl anymore beings ive kind of lost that for just whatever and ya i guess this is just a whatever diary but i still cant believe that person told me but just ugh im gonna shut up before i start repeating myself dont leave me to think to myself...