dont do that.. stop it.. it makes me sad that you can even think of doing something like that.. dont feel that way. stop it. i hate every thought in my head.. go away.. why do theset thoughts keep coming back to me.. tonight at 4-h ya everything pretty much sucked about it.. i was pissed off and like just angry and ugh becky can fucking go to hell she fucking pisses me off sooo bad that i want to shoot her.. she made me sad and blah and i hate 4h for dumb reasons like her.. but then me and grant went to walmart and he told me the grosest story ever and yuck i cant believe she did that thats disgusting.. dont ask! but anyway at walmart we found the warhead eggs as they were there on sale and i got 7 eggs.. all for me except one in which i will give to eric as they are good and he deserves one.. im excited to eat them.. stop it though seriously. why is it.. that at this moment so many friends of mine are being hurt.. ugh i dont know what to do.. like i suck at advice and i dont know.. like dana and golf and eric and his problems.. i dont know.. like i feel bad for both.. and dana is really struggling like she is an amazing golfer but she has been doing worse then me.. and she has always done better.. and ugh i feel so bad for her.. and eric i feel bad for cuz i dont know what to do or say really.. except ignore it.. but thats stupid advice as it seems impossible to do.. im so sorry.. i suck.. i can never recieve or distribute good advice. i think i feel shitty today really.. stupid.. like i dont know why.. i think im annoyed of just me.. and blah.. and everything else that evolves.. this is the third time ive added onto my diary.. amazing i know.. lol.. ugh annoyed of everything.. and last time i felt like crap i went to sarahs.. and that is stupid and ive gone against that.. but i do plan on trying to make sarah a bread bowl ceaser salad this weekend.. on friday.. ugh how i love being with sarah as she makes me happy.. i love her too much.. and alana too but alana never seems to understand how much i truly do love her.. why is it then when i think of a specific person i think of trader.. and it kind of saddens me cuz i truly love the person.. but there has been a build up of anger for so long that when i think of the person i get aggravated as they are no longer the same.. i felt left alone.. they hurt me and made me melt down.. dont worry though.. now im better.. i think i smile a lot during the day.. well at least i think i do.. but when im at home.. im crappy and mean.. and dont smile much as it seems to be me i dont know.. blah im gonna stop official ending.!