ok, well today was gay and tonight was worse. aha, so i tell me mom what dad said to me [bad move] and she's all like ok with it. then i get home and she's like, "i called your dad and told him never to call u again when he's fucked up." which is ok with me, but i kinda felt bad for some odd reason. but before all of that. i go over to the pool, and i am like just wanting to chill there. and think, its been a while since i've really thought about my life and why i hate it so much. aha. so yea, i got my pictures from Caro's quince today and i like all but 5 of them. ewie, i'm just ugly and no. aha. woO! anyways. so mom decided that she wanted me to go to the pool so i went along with her. ok, so i jump in the pool. the water's cold as fuck. bleh! then i get out and i just sit there, on the chair.. thinking about how bad life is. yea, i kno it could be a lot worse, but i dont think there was ever a time when i liked my life. nope, there never was. no i'm not homeless, no i'm not dirt poor, no i am not an orphan. but its all the emotions that i dont feel when i am at home. like, love, happiness, safety. nope. i dont feel those. my mom's boyfriend is an alcoholic abusive fuck and my mom can't realize that. ha. stupid bitch. and all she does is complain about him, then fall in love all over again. AHAHAHA! who does that? fucking cunt. she's stupid. and i am there, in it all. there is no 'home' here. its an apartment. where 4 different worlds are colliding. my sister, is so easily influenced and there is nothing more i can do about that because she just doesn't listen to me. she does what her friends want her to, and thats it. bLeH! and then there is me. little old, FAT UGLY ME. yea, i have issues. big issues, but i dont cry on the outside anymore. (kelly clarkson) as a matter of fact... i'm sick of telling other people how i feel, because all they fucking do is get on my case for feeling that way. aha! bITCHES FUCK U! there is no one person i can run to, that i feel like wants to kno. because i dont want to tell them. because i just dont fucking care. about anything anymore. today is the day when everything could go wrong and you wouldn't give a damn. cuz u just dont fucking care. yepp, thats how i feel right now. not caring. there is a lot on my mind, but no reason for me to tell it to anyone. aha, and it all comes down to one person. everything that is bad in my life is caused by one person. just one person. just one. no one else.... BUT ME but John comes over to me, and wants to know whats wrong because my stupid ass mother says that there is something wrong and that i wanted to talk to him. aha, he was long gone, but thats ok. then he gave me this song..... I can't understand She let go of my hand An' left me here facing the wall I'd sure like t' know Why she did go But i cant get close t' her at all THough we kissed through the wild blazing nighttime, SHe said she would never forget BUt now mornin's clear Its like I aint here She just acts like we never have met Its all new t' me Like some mystery It could even be like a myth Yet its hard t' think on That she's the same one That last night I was with From darkness, dreams're deserted, AM i still dreamin' yet? I wish she'd unlock Her voice once and talk, Instead of actin like we never met If she aint feelin' well They why dont she tell 'Stead of turnin' her back t' my face? Without any doubt She seems too far out For me t' return t' her chase Through the night ran swirling an' whirling I remember her whispering yet. But evidently she dont. And evidently she wont. She just acts like we never have met. If I didn't have to guess I'd gladly confess T' anything i might've tried If i was with her too long Or have done something wrong I wish she'd tell me what it is, I'll run as hide Though her skirt swayed as a guitar played Her mouth was watery and wet. But now something has changed For she aint the same She just asks like we never have met. I'm leavin today, I'll be on my way OF this I can't say very much But if you want me to I can be just like you An' pretend that we never have touched. An' if anybody asks me, "is it easy to forget?" I'll say, "its easily done, YOu just pick anyone, An' pretend that you never have met!"