I thought I knew then but I was wrong could I be this time I know again... So close, so right... But the jealousy... someone else so close, practically naked... only natural. With the jealousy there is overbearing trust. Is it enough? Will it be different? So why do I ask so many questions? I always have. Not a good enough excuse. Questions get answers. Answers are not always what one wants. But the curiosities of life confuse me so. Why does it seem like everything is going wrong all the time, then when you look back you wish you had appriciated the moments you hated at the time so much more. Why does it seem that to have my heart set on a goal is to doom it to never be realized? Why. I'm always asking... though I know I'll never have the answers I continue this futile chain of whys. And still, through all the questions the burning desire to speak. To say all the things I always think but can never translate into words. To explain how and why it hurts to live, hurts to love, and still I need to do both. To rationalize my fears and doubts, to make sense of the contradictions that I live every day. I need you to know me, know my past, and see why I need you so much now and in my future. I need you to know the ties I keep, the memories that still hold sway over me, the people I love, and that no matter what twists and trials life throws my way, I need you to know where you fit. Yes, I still hold a few broken pieces of my past very close, and I won't deny that they may come back to haunt me, but you will always come first in my heart. You are here NOW. YOU are the one I choose to be with. I would like to be with you for a very long time if you'll have me. My past is my past, YOU are my present. My gift if you will. :) You make me feel alive. I love you.