Shoo joo. Quit fricken telling me to be happy. Its not like I can just say "Okay, I'll be happy" and POOF everything's hunky dory! My emotions are not a choice. My ACTIONS are, not my emotions. So yeah, I'll be happy, when everything stops putting me in situations that make me miserable. No, not really miserable, just NOT HAPPY. Yeah, I know, "so take yourself out of situations that make you unhappy" right? Not so easy. I'm at an impass it seems. I was happy not too long ago. My diary shows that. What changed? My comfort level. I was comfortable in my position in my life and other peoples. Now I'm not. I feel like my position is threatened. I feel unstable. So no, I'm not happy. What I want from my life is now not really in my hands. Not enough for me to just decide thats its gonna be that way. You see, suddenly a large chunk of what I WANT to be my life is someone else's choices and decisions. I can't say "hey, how 'bout this happen" without feeling like I'm butting my head into someone else's business. Even when it really IS my business. *sigh* Now I'm just ranting. Okay, this is better; I feel like an intruder in my own life. The choices that ARE mine to make, I don't want. So, yeah, I'll "be happy". Eventually.